Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
