just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
