Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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