you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
