Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
