I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
