I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
