Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
