Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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