the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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