I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
