it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
