smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
