to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
