Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
