im drinking this country out of the recession.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
