and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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