You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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