I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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