and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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