So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
