Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
