Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
