I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
