He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
