just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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