Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
