is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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