Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
