I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
