every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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