A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
