what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
