somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
