pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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