I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
