I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
