i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
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Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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