can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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