Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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