He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
