It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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