I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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