At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
3pm strippers are depressing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
