Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
