According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
