A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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