ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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