Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
try to milk me bitch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize