In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
