can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
