Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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