Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
