I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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