Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
