I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
