At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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