I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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