Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
