I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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