i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
