I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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